Where I Am

OK, usually when I go to post, I've either had God hit me with something or I've got something to get off my chest or I've got sporting news to jabber about, but this time I just felt compelled to start typing, so who knows where this is going. (And, can I use the word 'either' with a list of three things or is either like better and only an option between two things?)

Anyway, I do truly love the life that I have. Summer of 2005, we had a two year plan to get here and we did it in one year when the opportunities and doors opened for it to happen that way--when the house we wanted became available and the job that Isha wanted and needed to finish school in time for became available and an opportunity for me to bring in the extra money we needed to make it happen presented itself. I mean, wow, all I could think was that this must have been God at work in our lives. And we did it. Isha finished school, and got the job she had wanted so bad. We finished the work on the old house and sold it for double what we paid for it...including more than we paid in payments, insurance, taxes, interest, upkeep, repairs, and remodeling all put together. I did the extra work for the extra money to remodel, and I helped Isha as much as I could in school.

This was the ultimate "project" we had taken on together and completed together. It was bigger than being in school at the same time with babies, fighting through the 'lean' years of eating hotdogs or something when we couldn't afford anything else. It was harder than me working nights and her days and sleeping in the same bed (at the same time) only twice a week. And it was harder on Isha than any of the postpartum times with either of the kids, and I didn't even know it at the time.

Actually, I was probably pretty sensitive during the year, but when the year was over and I felt all the stress was gone, I lost that sensitivity. In fact, the extra income I was getting lasted longer than I thought and we bought new furniture too, so what was there to be stressed about?...so I thought. Well, I wasn't the one starting a new job, and I was probably a little full of myself as the 'provider' of our family and what 'I' had accomplished and put myself on cruise as the God-appointed leader of the household.

Anyway, I had gone in 'debt' with my family as a husband and a dad, and when payments were due, I was not making them. I don't know that I regret the crazy, busy, hard year because I just see too many things in it that were God-given opportunities and doors that He opened. But, I do hate that I didn't come out of it prepared to pay my family back for working them so hard that year.

I just want to be the kind of dad and husband that makes them proud of me and not just the "pusher" all the time. My kids so love to bring their accomplishments, and I know they work hard for me. They want to celebrate their victories with me over their own teammates. Drew sticks by my side after every game, and it just lets me know that he knows I push him to work hard and part of him does it for me. Alisha, though not usually as motivated, wants to always compliment the cooking (even if she accidently already complained about it) and show me things that she's proud of just looking for my approval. I'm glad to see them work hard, and that they do it in a way that they know it pleases me. I just pray that I can teach them to stop and enjoy it at the same time. I pray that they see in me that I hate that I made that mistake, and that I want to do all I can to make up for it.

I mortgaged that year, and waited another 6 months to begin paying it back. I can see how easy it is for ambitious people continue to get caught up in mortgaging their families and time over and over for another carrot, and it's a sad thing. I pray that I never do it again. I have two of the best kids, and I try to tell them that a lot. I have the best wife that just loves me no matter I do. I love that she is so sensitive to my 'moods,' that she makes our house so beautiful, that she takes pride in what she does, that she keeps me in line with the kids...and the kids in line with me, that she lets me know she appreciates all I do, that she'll sit and watch tv or a movie with me that she might not even like, and that she just looks so dang good all the time...she's the only woman I know in the world that pulls off pretty, cute, beautiful, and sexy at the same time.

I'm just thankful to God for what I have...thankful he gave me both things I don't even deserve and the means to work for things...thankful that he allows me to keep it all in spite of my many imperfections and for giving my family the ability to live with me through those imperfections.