to lose my life

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lost it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:37-39
"Am I trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of God." - Galatians 1:10
"...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you..." - Matthew 28:19-20
These verses have given me a message this week. The thing I am most guilty of all my adult life is not allowing God to control my life. I am truly committed to living a godly life. I also have the added accountability in that of being on church staff. Because I know i want to do right, I allow myself to take control of my life and the things in it instead of God. And wow, everytime I do I get in a huge mess--sometimes a worse mess than if I was just living in sin, I think. That in itself is a scary realization. I see so many people that are trying to do the right thing, but they try to do it as they control their life. They get into mess after mess, so they finally just give into a life of sin because they don't see the difference that God can make. We don't see it unless we actually do give Him control rather than just "doing the right things."
These verses say that very thing. God better be number 1. He has to be before everything and everyone, and we have to push our selfish nature and what we think we want out of life and for our life aside and let him give us what He knows we need. Everytime we do that, we will find greater happiness and joy than if we'd gotten what we initially thought we wanted. We have to seek God's approval instead of what other people want. Is God pleased with who I am? That's all that matters.
When I control my life, I work strictly on the appearance. That leaves me with several problems. Our heart is where most of our sin takes place, so I'm neglecting the area God needs control of most. Also, my actions away from my normal life suffer. If you took the times in my life away from people I know, away from my wife and family and friends...those times would show me to be a dispicable person. I'm referring to times on the phone with some customer service rep, times on vacation, times shopping or something alone, etc. I have used those times to choose to not control my anger, to blend in with world, to stand out as something other than a Christian. I have seen the neglect in those areas have consequences that affect all areas. I'm no scholar, but I know that the Greek verb for "Go" in the great commission actually means "as you go" and "while you are going." I should be carrying the light wherever I go whether I have the accountability of people I know, friends, family, or my wife. God is always there to know what I do and why I do it.
My prayer is that God control all of my life. I don't want to spend time trying to make it "look" good when looks don't matter in much of anything. I want to commit to Isha to be a faithful and excellent husband in her presence and not. I want to commit to my kids to be a good dad in their presence and not. I want to commit to my church to be a righteous employee and member around this community and not. And most of all, I want to commit to God to be a godly man because there is no "and not" to being in His presence
Take a sec and go listen to and read the words to 'Fame' by Rush of Fools.