Ashamed

I bring this up all the time and I know others do too, but I just felt the need to blog about it a little today. I'm not sure exactly how the Holy Spirit is meant to work in us, and I'm not even sure he's meant to work the same way in each of us. However, I don't think he changes with time, so if I look at how he worked in me in the past and don't see that in younger generations, it bothers me. I don't want to be judgmental, but a "tree is known by its fruit."

When my parents moved me from all my friends in Ft. Worth right before my junior year, I became very rebellious. I bounced back and forth for those last two years of school on how I lived. After I graduated, I totally rebelled for a year. It seemed like much longer, but I did not attend church and was involved in a lot of sin. However, through those three years, I always knew what I was doing was wrong. My number one goal in all of it was to hide it. I didn't want to do anything that I couldn't hide from my parents and my friends' parents who were Christians. Now, I know I was hiding nothing from God, and I know that's the most important thing, but the look of guilt and conviction was all over my actions. I was guilty and I knew it.

Today, it seems like people don't have a problem with letting the world know what they do and how they act. They post it all over their myspace in the form of pics, comments, and blogs. They don't care who sees it and they don't even make their pages private in fear that their own parents might look it up. wow. When a person pleads guilty to a crime by reason of insanity or mental defeciency, they can only prove that by showing they didn't think what they did was wrong because they did nothing to hide it. I knew I was guilty, and I didn't want people to know about it. What does it say about those who don't try to hide it? Where is the Holy Spirit in their lives? Is there a new level of spiritual complacency or is the Holy Spirit not even in them? Did they answer a call to invite Jesus into their hearts, but fell short of "making it real" by not truly giving their lives to Christ by way of inviting the Spirit in? Or am I just being too judgmental about God's place in their lives?

That year after high school was the longest year of my life. I have so many scars and hauntings from it that I deal with to this day. I cannot imagine doubling it, tripling it, or more. So, my question is this...If these people were in the garden with Adam and Eve, would they even have put on a freakin leaf after eating the fruit? I have no doubt how I would have been ashamed and wearing the fashionable 100% leaf briefs. idk...maybe I'm being self-righteous...