Who I try to be...

The life of a minister is a hard one. No, I don't compare it to the hard that a blue-collared oilfield worker or rancher endures. The hard part is finding an identity within it. It is difficult to teach, counsel, and give advice every week in the midst of your own faults. It's hard to live a life that is suppose to be "above reproach" when you know your own heart. It's hard to be in a position that is forced to worry about how people view you and not appear hypocritical to your own family. My dad was a minister...my father-in-law was a minister. Even I, as a fellow minister found it hard to look at their combination of faults and ministries and not be judgmental, so "oh how people close to me must view me!"

Well, I want to be as transparent as possible and for people to know that I see my faults...including the fault that we all have of not seeing all our faults...does that make sense? Well, here's transparent:

I don't know where more fault lies, but the combination of how my kids act and how impatient I am is making my relationship with them very difficult when I'm with them too much. I feel even worse when I go away for the day, return to find them excited to see and running up to tell me about their day, and what I really want is to go lock myself in a room just a little while longer.

I don't smoke or drink, but I have done both in the past. I don't really even like to drink, but I do envy smokers. Not that if I wasn't a minister I would do it because I don't like that I would smell like it all the time and the health factors, but it is vice I would deal with. When I commuted to school in Dallas, I sometimes had a couple on the way home to help stay awake...or that was my excuse anyway.

I don't like to do all the planning for stuff--trips, events, or whatever. I like for someone else to. However, if I see something I could have done to make it better, but it's too late, then I feel really guilty. "I should have thought of that" makes me angry at myself, so that usually drives me to do it anyway--especially if no one else wants to plan it.

I'm very competitive, but very strict on myself and others about staying within the rules. I want to win but I won't cheat to win. I don't get angry at others on my team that play for fun because I don't even think I have to win...I just want to do all I can to make it happen.

I feel I have very few talents, so I try to overcomensate by overusing the ones I do have. In other words, I can't do much, so what I can do I try to be perfect at. Problem is, there's no perfect, so I stay disappointed in myself. I feel like a failure a lot of the times when something small didn't work out.

I hate being misunderstood. It bothers me when I have a couple of friends mad at each other because of a misunderstanding. It drives me absolutely crazy when someone is upset at me because of a misunderstanding. I can't help myself but to want to make them see what I'm really thinking because I just know if they really knew what was in my head and heart, everything would be just fine.

I don't fear death, but I'm not sure if it has more to with being a Christian or the fact that I wouldn't have to worry about making anymore mistakes.

Sports is my escape, but I don't know if that's good or bad.

I do pray daily...I rarely get into my vehicle alone without praying about something.

I don't read my Bible like I should.

The combination of being stretched very thin and doing a poor job weighs heavy on me.

I don't want to appear okay or appear to be a good dad or husband or friend. I want to be a good one...I just don't always know how to make it happen.

I feel like my quiet and driven personality is mistaken for judgmental, critical, and "no nonsense".

I hate how long it takes for me to change. I hate that it takes even longer for others to accept and see that I've changed. However, I have a hard time accepting that someone else has changed. I guess both have to do with the fact that most people don't change. I feel like the last 7 years has been a long slow process of changing some things about me for the good. It's been stunted at times by life problems and my own stubbornness, but it's disheartening that the people closest to me might not have noticed or believed it happened.

God looks different to me all the time. I don't know if I'm getting a clearer picture as I go along or if I just don't know him like I think I do or should.

I do think that being a minister keeps a lot of people from wanting me around too much...if they only knew the mess I know I am they wouldn't be worried.

I wish I had time for a nap every day. I think it would make my day go better. I only need about 30 minutes, but it's not about finding the 30 minutes...it's about finding 30 minutes when I can empty my head.

That's all for now...

Saturday's scrimmage v. Iowa Park

Well, the PeeWee's had their first scrimmage Saturday v. the Iowa Park Hawks, and I must say that we did get the best of them. With our first teams, we held them twice to practically nothing on defense. With our second team in, they moved the ball some, but not much. When we loaded the defense with first-year players, they gave up two TDs, but that won't ever happen in a game. On offense, I must say that I was pretty impressed with the new offense. I wasn't sure it was going to work, but it worked with several more tricks up our sleeves. Drew had about 35 yards on 6 carries at QB, and we never had to throw the ball because we were running so well. Our first and second team offense moved the ball with ease until the last drive when we tried a few newer things that didn't work as well. I guess Drew is officially the quarterback since he played first team QB and second team QB, and the coach didn't even try anyone else there all day.

PeeWee Football

Football season is here and Drew's team has their first scrimmage on Saturday morning. Let me just say that this is a picture of our PeeWee team from last season. That's a nice size line, huh? Well, we finished tied for first in our conference, and all but one body on that line is gone. We are fielding a line that weighs about the same as just one side of the line pictured, so our quarterback and running backs will be running for their lives most of the season. Where does Drew play? Ya, he's the starting quarterback, poor kid. Well, we are tough and we might surprise everyone...including me, so let's get the season rolling and see what these boys are made of!

Preteen Camp pics

Just had two weeks in a row of camp. The first week was preteen camp (4th-6th grade) which was Monday-Friday, August 4-8. It was a great week. We took 21 to camp for the week (although some are obviously ore camera-shy than others). It was called "Get Real" and used a YouTube theme. Enjoyed the week as well as the Bible studies that I taught on getting a real perspective on things such as how Satan attacks your mind even when your heart belongs to God...how we put too much stock in the way things look rather than the way they are...and how God loves us no matter what and we are safest in his hands.

Aggrevations & Dislikes

Some of my recent aggrevations and dislikes:

>dealing with insurance companies when the appraiser breaks my headlight trying to force it back into place...then didn't even list the headlight on the list of approved repairs
>dealing with rental car places with which we made a reservation 4 days ahead of time for 10 a.m., didn't have a car ready, said they'd take it to Isha's work in 20 minutes...they delivered it at 5:30 p.m.--the time at which the body shop closed and 45 minutes after that body shop called and said our car was ready
>dealing with body shops and how they left our car out and unlocked and someone stole our DVD player
>pregnant women smoking and drinking...in public no less
>people that don't do their job
>slow Internet...I'm spoiled
>107 degree days
>Six Flags
>having plans to go to Six Flags on a 107 degree day
>Weddings - church staff people understand
>anything I'm fully responsible for, but not given the means to succeed at
>not finding good fruit in a grocery store
>trying to sleep when its hot
>guys that carry the 'pimp' 'player' or 'stud' mentalities
>girls that carry the 'fake ditz' 'bossy' or 'can't get along w/ other girls' mentalities
>the price of gas...ya, I'm finally there
>lying politicians
>hotel bedspreads
>being overweight
>what it takes not to be overweight
>the inconveniences of having a pet

Things that usually bother people, but not me:
>old people driving - I'll be there sooner than you think
>old people in stores - eaves dropped on an old man at Wal-mart yesterday asking the worker in electronics how could they not stock a movie about Normandy
>kids at camp - about to have two weeks in a row of it - 1st-3rd grade and 4th-6th grade
>a messy desk - can't work when everything is put away
>obnoxious church groups at places like hotels and restaurants - I've been there...as a leader and an obnoxious student
>lots of people at my house - as long as it isn't family